Look at your life like a roadtrip, not a performance metric.
You can’t have a different life without change, Part 2
Why is planning so hard?
We live in a world of narrow focus, immediate gratification, and instantaneous results. Everyone is so busy surviving the current moment and they have nothing left to look ahead. “The grind” became a success symbol, people proved they were important by humble bragging about their unending time crunch. And suddenly it seemed you weren’t doing enough unless you were always busy doing things
pack your schedule
create a multiple page list of task
Do more, push through
and happiness is bound to follow….
Entire industries were build around the idolization of the tick mark. Sleek, sexy planner systems were developed to contain our to-do lists. Influencers create platforms on task clumping hacks. Time management books pushed calendar matrix to fit more into the day and optimize every moment.
What got lost somewhere along the way is we stopped looking at what all of this added up to. Everyone was rushing around doing things but, didn’t have an opportunity to step back and look at what they were working towards.
It’s not you, your brain is actual broken
And it’s not something you can push through, you weren’t designed to live this way. Remember the bear analogy? When you keep overloading your brain it goes into survival mode and only focuses on things that keep you alive. The higher thinking shuts down, no need to be creative when there’s a bear eating you.
Your short term memory? gone
Complex decision making? nope
Anxiety? yes, because you’re brain is waiting for an attack
Motivation? not a priority, the entire focus is reaction not planning
Sleep? Concentration? not important, you’re just surviving the next moment
And pushing through just compounds the issue and resets the bar a little higher.
So no, you can’t plan a future when your brain is on fire.
Over the next few post we are going to break down planning so you can look at it differently and reframe what you focus on today so you can let go of the junk that you don’t need.
Where am I going?!?!
Looking at your future head on can be intimidating.
What happens if we shift the focus and look at planning your future life like you would a roadtrip?
You take all the right steps and do all the things to plan and prepare for a roadtrip:
You decide who’s going, negotiate dates, and draw straws on who drives.
You schedule PTO or switch shifts, set your e-mails to out of office, and schedule the dog sitter.
You clean the car, check the date on your last oil change, and fill the tank the night before.
You pack a bag, buy snacks, and fill a water bottle.
One tiny problem- (ok many more than one)
You’ve packed hiking pants but, your bestie has her best 4” heels, and the guy in the back has a book of historic sites. You spent all that time doing tasks and prep work that had zero value.
When you don’t know where you’re starting at and where you are headed how the hell did you map the route? You throw the car in reverse and go left. Then a few more lefts, maybe spice it up with a right-turn now and then to avoid a big circle. Perhaps a pee break mid-way. It looks like a road trip-driving, turns, snacks, it checks all the boxes, right? Until you find yourself on a dirt road in Ohio.
You need to know the route
Begin by focusing on where you're going, then work backwards with how to get there. So what changes when you start with the end in mind?
Once you know the destination you can look at where you are now, what you need to carry forward, and what you need to pickup along the way. That way you “arrive” with what you need for the destination not just an overflowing suitcase of stuff that has no purpose. This frees up time and energy because you can let go of or reduce your focus on all that filler stuff that you don’t need to pull forward with you.
It can also flag if your timeline is achievable or needs to be shifted based on where you’re starting and what you need at the finish line. We’ll dig into timing more in a future post, for now let’s focus on the first steps to rewrite the script on HOW you plan.
Where do I start?
First step, stop doing stuff and calling it progress. This can be tough, give yourself some grace.
Take the next week and really look at your life now, seven whole days, no peeking. Before you jump to the next post take a week and answer these questions:
Look back over the last month,
What went well?
What excited you?
What do you enjoy?
Now look back 6 month, same questions…
A year…..
How open it all the way up,
What have you given up that you miss?
What part of yourself did sacrifice along the way?
If you could do anything, without judgement, no outside opinions, zero risk of failure, if only your own happiness mattered, what would you do?
Take time and really work through the questions. Write down your answers, on paper, in your phone, laptop, or journal. But, answer the questions, save it, and then come back the next day, and again later. Let it marinate, then add to it, don’t cross anything out just add.
What happens if you find that you keep getting caught with what you don’t want, what didn’t work, or what you hate? The trick is not to feed it, don’t let the negative become the focus. Give yourself time to sit with it, don’t write it down, but acknowledge it. Then ask yourself,
If this was gone, what could fill the space it leaves?
If I didn’t have this, what could I have instead?
When I leave this behind what opportunities could take it’s place?
Write those things down too.
Yes, you’ve got homework. But, you’ll need it to prepare for the next post. In the next post we’re going way back to a question you probably haven’t been asked in years What do you want to be when you grow up? That’s the destination, the goal, because you’re not done yet. You can still write the ending you want.
Jenn is an ICF Associate Certified Coach in Tulsa, Oklahoma. She works with individuals and teams using neuroscience-informed, solution-focused coaching. Her practice focuses on supporting clients to make real, sustainable changes and meet their full potential.
Learn more about Jenn here. Ready to talk? Book a free intro call here.