When is the best time to make a change?
You can’t have a different life without change, Part 5
Over the last few posts we’ve looked at why and how we plan, took a hard look what you want, and who you want to be. We’ve been using 10 years as the temporary goalpost because it’s far enough away that you can go big and really dream. But, now that you’ve had time to look at what’s possible you can add some real timelines based your unique future.
There is no perfect time
There isn’t a right, perfect, or ideal time to change. Most people get hung up trying to get the timing perfect. I’ve been there too, trying to anticipate all the potential issues and preparing for every setback, debating all the outcomes. And delaying so I can get the timing just right.
But, I noticed something that changed my perspective. When you’re trying to make a major changed your mind gets stuck in the “what if” mode, and the tendency is for all the scenarios to focus on the negative outcomes. Noone ever looks at all the ways it could go right, only the possible downsides.
Choosing not to make a choice
Fear of making the wrong decision can be paralyzing. Looking at all the options, imagining all the ways it could go wrong, for some people it keeps them from making any choice.
That’s why so many people stay stuck until something outside of themselves forces the change. They wait, hoping someone else will either make the choice for them or take it away so it’s no longer an option.
When something takes your path away you have to actively decide to get back on it and a lot of time that’s what makes people change.
But, it’s easy to forget that by choosing to wait, choosing not to make a change, or choosing to stay each of these is still a choice. You have chosen to wait, not change, or stay. Even though it’s passive, it’s still a choice.
Staying on the wrong train
I love a good metaphor and honestly this one is one of the best I’ve come across. I get zero credit for coming up with this, in fact the wrong train theory shows up in multiple places. I’m not going to get wrapped up in the origin story but, instead lets dive into the metaphor itself.
Imagine you’re at the train station, a hub with multiple routes and options, you look at the map, select what you think is the right route and get on a train.
Then you realize it’s not the train you want to be on.
There isn’t anything wrong or bad about the train, lots of others are on it too. But, the destination isn’t where you want to go.
What do you do?
The Sunk cost mindset
You’re on the wrong train, moving further away from where you want to go. What now?
Some would say you have to stay simply because you’ve already invested time, energy, or money. But, compounding what you’ve already sunk and invest more doesn’t change the path or make it a better fit.
You can’t recoup what you’ve spent and spending more doesn’t fit the real issue, you’re still on the wrong train!
Return ticket theory
The other side is the return ticket view, the longer you stay on the wrong train the further away from the station you get. And the higher the cost of the return ticket.
The ticket “cost” shows up as lost time and the impact of staying in a situation that isn’t right for you-stress, relationship impact, and burnout.
Early change
The solution to the wrong train dilemma is pretty simple, once you realize you’re on the wrong train the best option is to get off at the next stop. From there you determine the right train. But, first you have to stop moving away from the station and take the first available option for change.
Even if you have to pause at the station, stop and do some work to find the correct route, by getting off the train you’re no longer headed away so you have stopped losing ground and time.
When is your right time to change?
Knowing that the right time is now take a look at the future you’ve been cultivating over the last few posts. Now really sit with what you want, why you want it, and who you could become in this future.
When can you make it real? Give it a real date, not a padded, fudged, date but, a gut wrenching damn it I want to be THERE real date.
This is an important step. This is also the time a lot of people throw all their work out the window, file their future away, tucked in a mental junk drawer, or saved for a better time.
So take time and really look at when you want to have that future. Make it real and do-able but, not so far out that you let it slip away. It needs to be close enough you can actively work towards it and see your progress.
Next we will bridge or tie that date and your future to present day.
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Jenn is an ICF Associate Certified Coach in Tulsa, Oklahoma. She works with individuals and teams using neuroscience-informed, solution-focused coaching. Her practice focuses on supporting clients to make real, sustainable changes and meet their full potential.
Learn more about Jenn here. Ready to talk? Book a free intro call here.