Who do you want to be?

You can’t have a different life without change, Part 4

What does your life look like in 10 years?

Getting clear on the path you want.

In the last post we dug into what you want to be, and took a look at what your life could look like in 10 years.

Even more than just thinking and imagining that future, you pulled it out of your head and made it tangible in some way, written, journaled, dictated, art, interpretive dance…any method to make it real.

But, if you’ve jumped around and are starting this blog thread in the middle, STOP, go back to the first one and do the exercises to get here. It all builds on the prior posts. No excuses, if the dog ate your homework do it again. I’m currently typing one handed because the dachshund demands pets. So I don’t feel sorry for anyone with puppy chewed pages.

Once you’ve got it, look at what you put together from the last post.

A lot can change in 10 years, what’s different in 2036?

Are there areas that were more clear or aspects that surprised you?

Did you focus on one part or did you touch on multiple areas of your life?

We’re going to go deeper today and look at the motivations under and behind your vision. You’ve created the aspiration but,

is it really the end game?

is there something else you hope comes with it?

This one can be hard because it’s not an area many of us tend to focus on. But, understanding your own deeper motivations helps you understand if you’re moving in the right direction or moving toward something that you hope comes with what you actually want.

Before I ask you to peal the onion I’ll share why this gets so personal for me.

I worked really hard for the wrong thing. Finding the motivation behind your goal.

I went back to school in my 30’s and not just back to school for a refresher course or credential. Back for a second Bachelors in a completely different field of study. I’d studied Interior Design and had my BFA but, when I moved to Oklahoma I took a temp job drafting. I’d always loved AutoCAD, tutored classmates in college, and it was an easy transition while I looked for a real job in design.

But I loved the people, the challenge, it was exciting and fun, so when my 6 months ended I didn’t leave. I stayed and was promoted several times quickly advancing into copper design and then sheetmetal design.

I was working as a design engineer but, all the guys around me had engineering degrees and I didn’t. So I decided to go back to college.

Despite already having a Bachelors there wasn’t much cross over between classes. My highest math class had been trigonometry (10+ years ago with a final grade of a D). So I had to retake trig, do all my calculus, and almost every 100 level class, with a full-time job, a kid in high school and as a single parent.

I worked my ass off, for years. Night classes, engineering labs on the weekends, naps on my lunch break so I could stay awake in class until 10pm then study after, and drag my butt out of bed to marathon train before dawn.

I clawed my way through it, finished an associates degree transferred as a junior and kept pushing.

Then at my yearly exam my doctor found a lump. As a teen I’d watched my aunt/godmother die from breast cancer, multiple cousins had a mastectomy, and now I had a lump. The next few weeks were a blur of appointments, results, and referrals, the final one showed it was benign. But by then I’d had time to think and honestly it got dark. My daughter was in college 3 hours away, I hadn’t seen her in months because I was always studying, we texted but, calls were short between work and school. And now? What if the results came back and I had a time limit? How could I compare a degree, a GPA, to time with my daughter?

The hours I’d already spent on the degree didn’t hold the same weight as the hours before me. And I really started to look at what I was working towards.

I realized it wasn’t the degree I was chasing, what I really wanted was to be taken seriously and respected, I wanted my opinion to have weight. But with that realization, something else also became clear, the degree didn’t guarantee any of that.

I had spent years working towards something in the hopes that it could lead to or give me something else.

I dropped out, and started over but, this time I was working to become the person I thought the degree would make me.

Once I understood the reason behind the goal I could work towards the right goal.

Why does it matter?

What are you really looking for?

Look back over the future you outlined.

Why is your goal important? Is there something else you’re really looking for? This can be a tough exercise to do solo, so be intentional. Most people want to squirm away or downplay the “why?” because it tends to poke at their soft underbelly.

Don’t fudge it. Take it from someone who spent years chasing the wrong goal, it’s worth it to put the time in and understand what you really want!

When you look at 2036 ask yourself:

What does your future change about you?

Who do you want to become?

What shifts if you focus on the best version of you and then design a path from there?

Is the life you’ve imagined an attempt to find something else?

Does it guarantee the results you want?

Why that future?

What else haven’t you explored?

I’ve had clients spend multiple sessions working through questions like this. Take your time and really do the work. Having a clear understanding of your own motivations and what you really want is the best way to get it.

Once you have that you can use it as a litmus test for future decision,

“Does this move me towards what I want?” Yes/no

Simple, clean, you know where to focus and what aligns with your future.

Again, make your answers tangible so you can refer back in the next exercise.

Next post we’re going to look at timing.

And as a side note, I’ve been using 10 years but, you can adjust the timeline and make this your own.